Dear Abby: ; Sister's affair with mentor costs boyfriend his job

DEAR ABBY: My long-distance boyfriend, "Wayne," moved here twoyears ago to take a job working for my twin sister "Kim's" mentor.After five months on the job, Wayne was terminated and was replacedby - my sister! To say there are hurt feelings is an understatement.

Wayne and I were unaware that Kim had been having an affair withthis much-older married father of two. He has now left his wife andkids and is living with my sister. Kim is enjoying her job as hisassistant and reaping all the benefits of his long-establishedbusiness.

I'm devastated by the betrayal. It frustrates me that aftermonths of deception, my twin is benefiting from a massiveindiscretion that ended a marriage and destroyed a family. We werealways close, but I don't want to include her lover in any upcomingevents in my life. She says they're a "package deal." How do I movepast this - or should I?

Deceived by my evil twin

DEAR DECEIVED: I'm not sure what "upcoming events in your life"you're referring to, but if they include Wayne, his feelings shouldalso be taken into consideration. How angry and resentful will hefeel if he's forced to interact with the man who fired him so hecould be replaced by your sister?

I can't decide for you how you will work this out, but I willoffer this advice: For the present, make no hard and fast decisions.This could play out in any number of ways. Her boss could marry her,or he could return to his wife and family. Wait and see what thefuture brings. It's often full of surprises.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single adult female. I have a neighbor andfriend I'll call Kurt. He has been terrific to me. He has given methings, taken me out a few times and seems very caring. I enjoy thetime we spend together and I have developed romantic feelings forhim. My problem is Kurt is gay.

I know I can't have the kind of relationship with him that I'dlike to. Once, we spent the whole day together and I spent the wholetime wishing it had been a real date. It seems like whenever we goout together I don't know how to handle the situation. Because he'sa neighbor, I run into him a lot. I could use some advice on this.

So near and yet so far

Texas

DEAR NEAR AND FAR: You and Kurt appear to be compatible on manylevels, but you must accept that as wonderful a person as he is - hecannot give you the romantic love you're looking for. He isn't"wired" that way. Wishing, hoping and dreaming won't change that -but it WILL waste your time and prevent you from looking foreligible men.

You need to put the brakes on this friendship until you haveregained your balance and/or have met someone else. And tell Kurtwhy, so his feelings won't be hurt. I'm betting it won't be thefirst time he's heard it.

DEAR ABBY: Is a grandmother being disrespectful when shepurposely continues to misspell her 12-year-old grandson's name oncards and gifts?

His name is Joe!

DEAR H.N.I.J.!: Not knowing the grandmother, I can't say forcertain. She may be letting you know she's disappointed you didn'tname the boy after his grandfather "Morris." She could also beilliterate or somewhat demented, but I'm betting she's letting youknow she's not happy with the name you chose.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as JeannePhillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. WriteDear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069.